


I'll Tell You

by Notinthisworld



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, Open to Interpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 04:30:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20754377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notinthisworld/pseuds/Notinthisworld
Summary: When fall comes, Jaemin is going to take over his parents’ company. He’s going to start from the bottom, work his way to the top, have a fiance, move to his own house, and adopt a dog. When fall comes, Jaemin will begin living a proper life.Before fall comes, Jaemin wants to live a real life.





	I'll Tell You

**Author's Note:**

> This thing is all over the place. Unbeta-ed coz I just needed to get it out. Will probs go back and edit. Mildly inspired by A Walk to Remember, the anime Given, this one story arc in Shameless, and this au:https://twitter.com/rainyjaem/status/1174627350991912961?s=20 coz y'all, these boys are making me SAD. Also marked mature coz there's spicy parts.

Jaemin takes a deep breath as he steps out of the arrival gate. He’s been in an anxious state the entire trip but it all washes away with a laugh as he sees his friends aggressively waving and jumping to catch his attention. Haechan is carrying and waving an obnoxiously glittery banner, while he can clearly hear Chenle and Jisung yelling his name. Renjun is jumping up and down behind Chenle and Jisung to catch his attention. The people surrounding them are glaring at them. God he missed them. 

Jaemin reaches his friends and within a second, he finds himself suffocating in a group hug. 

“Guys, give him space. We should also probably go to the car now.” Bless Renjun and his logic when Jaemin and everyone else’s brain cells don’t function. Everyone walks out of the airport, each trying to latch onto Jaemin and asking him fifty questions every other second. Once they reach the car, everyone fights over who gets to sit next to Jaemin. They decided on rock, paper, scissors. Chenle won but Haechan vetoes the results and claims the seat next to Jaemin. 

“Nana, you have to tell us what happened. You just disappeared. For six months. You said two! Tell us about your trip!” Haechan shakes Jaemin’s arm vigorously. Jaemin looks around the car and sees everyone’s expectant eyes on him. Even Renjun takes a little peek from the front mirror. Jaemin looks out the window and smiles. 

_Here we go. _

  
  
~  
  


Jaemin hesitantly knocks on the door of there house he’s standing in front of. It was a quaint, cream-colored house with a blue roof, a small, well-kept garden, and the best part was it was right near the ocean. Jaemin can already hear the waves and he’s dying to drop off his belongings in his room and go right to the beach. The door opens to reveal an older man smiling at Jaemin. Jaemin swallows a small gasp. This man is beautiful. He was tall, a little on the skinny side, wearing a red sweater. Jaemin can’t stop looking at his silver mullet, or his eyes. The man’s big eyes on his delicate face was enchanting. 

The man smiled at Jaemin. “You must be Jaemin. Welcome to your house for the next two months. I’m Taeyong, I own this rental. Come on in and I’ll give you a tour.” Jaemin smiles at Taeyong while trying his best to keep his blush down. thank god he seems like a nice guy. He wouldn’t want to stay in a house with a difficult owner. The house was small cottage really with white walls and wooden accents. It was clean, organized and decorated with plants and beach-themed nicknacks. The bed itself was up on a loft while the rest of the house shared one space. One door presumably leads a bathroom and another, the back door. It was cute. Small and cozy enough for one or two people to stay in. Jaemin likes it. 

“I gotta tell you Jaemin, when the request came in, I thought it was a joke. I never had someone request a rental for 2 months in the middle of the night on such short notice.” Taeyong laughs. 

Jaemin grins back, “yet you still accepted it.” 

Taeyong laughs, he turns to Jaemin and hands him two cards. “This is my contact number if you need it. The second one is my brother’s number. His name is Jeno. I’ve got a lot on my plate these days and my brother is helping. He tends to be the best one to contact if you need anything addressed immediately. Our actual house is close to here, so he takes care of this rental.” Taeyong guides Jaemin to the kitchen table (island really). There’s a stack of pamphlets, and guidebooks ready. “Here’s some guides and places nearby for groceries, food, or anything you need. It’s a small town really. We’ve got like two main roads and if you need anything, just walk along those roads.” Jaemin laughs, he always wondered what it’s like to live in a small town where everyone knows everybody. 

Taeyong turns to the door to leave. “I’ll let you rest. Enjoy your time Jaemin.” The door closes and Jaemin drops his backpack by the couch. Unpacking and food can’t wait for a bit. The beach can’t. He takes off his sweater and drops his phone on the table, heading out the back door. The minute he opens the door, he’s at the beach. The “backyard” is nothing more than a patch of grass that contrasts the sand that begins the beach. 

Jaemin feels giddy, he can’t believe it. He’s really here. He never thought he would have the guts to do it but he did. He really left the city behind for an impulse trip at 2 am. His friends and family are going to kill him once they find out. Pushing the thoughts aside, Jaemins runs to the water to soak his feet. He’ll face the incoming lectures later. Right now, he’s going to sit his butt on the sand and build a sand castle. 

  


“NA JAEMIN. ARE YOU INSANE?!” Jaemin holds his phone away from his ear as his friend Haechan scream from the phone. It’s not even on speaker and Haechan’s voice is loud enough for Jaemin to hear him without holding the phone up to his ear. He expected this. 

“Hi Haechannie. How are you?” Jaemin tried tentatively. 

“Don’t you even dare. Put me on speaker, everyone else is here. We’re holding an intervention.” Jaemin rolls his eyes at the dramatics but does as he’s told. “I want to let you know that your parents will be informed and the minute I find out where you are, I will come and get you and you will return your butt to Seoul and you will be on lockdown until further notice.” 

Jaemin sits down on the couch and starts to protest. “Well this is why I’m not telling you where I am. Im taking a two month trip and you can’t do anything about it.” Jaemin hears Haechan start to protest a but a new voice cuts him off. 

“Nana. At least let us know you’re safe.” It’s Renjun. Jaemin smiles. Thank god for Renjun. 

“I’m safe Injunnie. I’m fine”

“If you’re fine Nana Hyung, why did you decide to run away?” A curious voice asks. It’s Chenle. And Jaemin can hear Jisung muttering in the background. 

Jaemin pauses as he gathers his thoughts. He knows why. He has the answer, he just doesn’t know how to say it. Don’t know how to say that he’s not ready for the life he planned out. The life that was planned out for him. He loves his family, he loves his friends. Likes Mark enough to not mind getting engaged to him in the fall. Jaemin likes the family business enough to work in it. Likes the life that he’s lived so far and will live out soon. 

He’s just not ready to live it yet. 

Jaemin likes his world. But Jaemin has always been curious. Bright and curious. He wants to know the what, where, when, and why of everything. He needs to know more. It’s just more of what, he doesn’t know. 

So he books himself a trip to the tip of the coast, found the closest town, and the first rental he can find. All at 2 in the morning. He hopped on the flight, landed, and now he’s here. Everything happened within the last 48 hours. He’s all alone god knows where but Jaemin is excited. His heart is doing things it’s never done before and he wants more of that. 

“I need some time Chenle. Before I follow the plan. I just need some time for myself. Everyone, Haechannie, I’ll be fine. Please don’t come get me. I just want to enjoy myself for a bit. I’ll be back I promise.” Jaemin pleads. Just a bit of time. 

Jaemin can hear Haechan start to argue. But Jisung beats him first, “Nana Hyung, are you sure you’re ok? If- if you’re not, we can find help.” 

Jaemin smiles at Jisung’s question. Chenle and Jisung might terrorize their hyungs on a daily basis but Jaemin knows the two brats secretly adore their hyungs. Jaemin will bet his life savings that he’s one of Chenle and Jisung’s favorite. He won’t mention anything to Haechan, Renjun, or Mark but he’ll take his babies over them any day. 

“Jisung, Chenle, Hyung is fine. I’m not going crazy or anything. I promise. If I need help, I’ll call you guys.” 

This time, Renjun replies. “Jaeminnie, it’s just that we never know with you. You always smile Nana, and we love that about you but we never know anything else and then something like this happens. Please, why don’t you come home and we can talk?” 

Jaemin sighs. He had this coming. His friends think he secretly depressed. He’s not. He just wants to do some soul searching. He knows he smiles a lot, doesn’t ever seem to be sad. And he guesses that makes him seem like he’s hiding something. But he’s not. He just rarely feels sad, he keeps himself busy, in good company, and happy. He’s lived a charmed life. 

“Guys, I promise I’m not depressed. I just want to live a little crazy. I’ll text you from time to time for updates. Please tell my parents and Mark to not worry. I’m alive, I’ll keep in contact. But I just want some time by myself.” Jaemin hopes they’ll agree this time. He needs this. There’s a pause where everyone holds their breath. Jaemins sends a silent prayer. If his friends tattle to his parents, he’s done. They’ll send the army to pick him up if need to. 

Renjun is the one to reply and Jaemin can hear Haechan protest in the background. “I want updates Jaemin, I need to know that you’re alive and alright. If I have any suspicion that you are not alright, you are coming home, you hear me?” 

Jaemin beams. Bless Renjun and his sentimental soul. “I will Injunnie. I love you guys. Tell Mark and my parents I love them too. I’ll see you when I get back.” 

The second day of his stay, Jaemin meets Jeno. Jeno knocks on the door in the morning with a large box stacked high with food containers and a smile that Jaemin can’t look away from. 

“Good morning Jaemin, I’m Jeno, Taeyong’s brother. Taeyong Hyung has officially adopted you so he cooked up a storm last night. These are for you.” 

“Oh my god.” Jaemin gasps. Jeno laughs and Jaemin can feel himself blushing. Nice smile, nice laugh, handsome face. Jaemin wants to know what Jeno’s and Taeyong’s parents look like. The two brothers were ridiculously good looking. 

“Yeah, Taeyong Hyung is just weird like that. Can I drop these off?” 

Jaemin finds his self composure and opens the door to let Jeno in. “Of course. Oh my god please tell Taeyong thank you. I’m starving and I forgot to get food last night.” 

Jeno smiles again. His eyes turning to little crescents and Jaemin can’t stop looking. “Understandable. Taeyong Hyung figured that would happen. He’s good at predicting stuff like that. I think it’s because he’s got this weird need to take care of people.” Jeno drops the container in the kitchen table (again, kitchen island) and starts to take out the food containers while Jaemin starts to stack them in the fridge. “I’m sure Taeyong Hyung told you already but I’m the one you can call if you need anything fixed or addressed immediately. Your request was in such notice I didn’t get to finish preparing the place. We keep everything in good shape but I’m actually stopping by again to finish fixing the heater. There’s comforters if you get cold at night but I promise I’ll get that heater fixed by tomorrow.” 

Jaemin smiles at Jeno, “Take your time. I wasn’t cold or anything last night. Although, if you want to help me, I need you to recommend good places to eat and shop here. This was... an impulse trip so literally I don’t have anything.”

“That sounds like the best kind of trips to take.” Jeno nods and crosses his arms to think. Jaemin feels his face starts to get warm again. Jeno’s pose, Jeno’s thinking face, all wrapped up in his all black ensemble, he is too handsome. 

“Taeyong gave me some pamphlets and told me where to go but I need someone to narrow it down for me so..” Jaemin babbles to fill up the quiet. He needs to stop. These brothers are turning his brain to mush with their good genes.

“I’ll take you out tomorrow if you’re free. I’m stopping by in the morning to fix the heater, since it’ll be done quickly, we can spend the day getting you the stuff you need.” Jeno finishes. He picks up the container from the island and started to walk out the door before Jaemin can respond. He turns to look at Jaemin one more time before he leaves. His cute smile is gone, this time Jeno _ smirks _ and it’s _ deadly _, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

Jaemin stares at the door with wide eyes, mouth open, and heart beating fast. 

Jeno keeps his word and shows up to Jaemin's temporary home at 10 in the morning the next day. Within an hour, he's fixed the heater and within the next hour, Jaemin finds himself in the passenger seat of Jeno's beat up truck, trying to decide whether or not this was a date. 

_ He's got an old truck _ , Jaemin thinks, _ could this boy kill me even more? _ Jaemin's a sucker for handsome boys with a truck. Jaemin didn't even know he's a sucker for handsome boy with trucks. That's straight out of a romance novel and Jaemin's a sucker for romance novels. The "outing" starts to feel even more like a date-not-date when Jaemin finds himself talking and enjoying Jeno's company during the drive way too easily.

"I'm not saying you're wrong Jaemin, you're entitled to your opinion but I'm just saying that your opinion is wrong." Jaemin gapes at Jeno who's doing his deadly smirk and driving with one hand on the wheel and the other arm leaning out the window and all Jaemin can think of is_ excuse me what? _

"If you're trying to be polite at being rude, you're failing." Jaemin glares at Jeno when the boy just laughs. "This conversation doesn't even make sense anymore. How dare you say that Magikarp is a useless pokemon? May I remind you that literally everyone at one point wanted a Gyarados and oh look, what does Gyarados evolve from? Magikarp."

"Yeah but they're separate. Gyarados aside, Magikarp itself is useless. Snorlax has more use when it comes to fights and all he does is sleep." Jeno snorts and Jaemin doubles down on his glare. 

"Do you even hear yourself Jeno? All Snorlax does is sleep but he's more useful in a fight. Okay."

"I'm right Na. Snorlax over Magikarp any day. But important debate aside, we're here." Jeno says. Jaemin takes a look around and notices that they've arrived at what looks like a convenience store. 

"Oh good. I need some body wash, shampoos and what not."

Jeno smiles at Jaemin as he pushes the door open, holding it open for Jaemin. _ Like on a date _, Jaemin's traitorous mind supplies. "I figured. We're gonna get you necessary supplies like soap, shampoo, clothes and what not. Then I'm going to show you the spots around town that you really need to know." Jeno's easy smile changes to a suspicious grin and Jaemin boils because good lord, any expression Jeno does is beautiful.

"Oh god did I just agree for you to take me to my dying location? What's with that smile Lee Jeno? I'll have you know I promised my friends that I'll check up on them once in a while so they know I'm alive." Jaemin eyes the Jeno suspiciously. He's following Jeno around the store with a basket and Jeno is grabbing random stuff from the shelves and dropping them in the basket. Jeno rolls his eyes at Jaemin as he tries to decide between two body washes. 

"I'm not going to kill you Jaemin. At least not until I collect the rental money from you so you're good for the next two months. But because you are here for the next two months, you're going to need to know the spots around town that will keep you entertained."

"So basically you wanna show me the party spots around town?" Jaemin deadpans at Jeno, who replies with a grin. "What does peaches even smell like?" Jaemin asks, looking at the body wash Jeno dropped in the basket.

"It's a light and sweet smell. Kinda like you. I think you'll like it." Jeno replies as he starts to drag Jaemin to the counter, oblivious to the fact that Jaemin is having a heart attack. _ Breathe Jaemin. It's not a date. _

Getting clothes was bad. Jaemin fully expected for Jeno to wait in the car as he goes to the shop to buy enough clothes to last him two weeks. He figured he'll most likely go shopping here and there as he lives in the town for the next two months. Jeno surprises Jaemin when he goes into the shop with Jaemin and starts picking out clothes for him. He looks at the clothes critically, throws them at Jaemin and makes Jaemin try them on. Jaemin internally screams when Jeno makes him come out in the outfits he chose to see if they suit Jaemin. Jeno's walking around Jaemin, looking at every seam and Jaemin can feel his stomach making flips. Why can't Jeno just tell him the clothes fit and leave it at that?

"Taeyong hyung's boyfriend is a self-proclaimed 'fashion evaluator'. If he finds out that I let our renter choose 'outfits that are less than a 6' he'll smack me in the face." Jeno shudders as he recalls Taeyong's boyfriend. Jaemin laughs from inside the dressing room. 

"I'll tell him that you barely passed." Jaemin expects Jeno to reply with another witty comment but gets surprised when he hears no reply. "Jeno?" Jaemin peeks out of the dressing room and looks for Jeno. The boy is nowhere to be found. "I swear to God Jeno if you left me behind, I'm telling Taeyong hyung's boyfriend your outfits were a 4." Jaemin walks out of the dressing to look for the shop floor. He spots Jeno at the counter handing the cashier a credit card. Faster than Jaemin can say "chewing gum", he finds himself at the register smacking Jeno in the head. "What the fuck are you doing paying for my clothes Lee Jeno?" Jaemin 

Jeno replies with another of his easy smiles, "Think of it as me brownnosing so you can give me a good tip when you leave." Jaemin's mouth drops open. He turns to the cashier and smiles sweetly. 

"I'm sorry, I'm paying for the clothes. How much is it?"

The cashier smiles hesitantly at Jaemin after watching the interaction. "I'm sorry, the sale already went through. But I can return it and ring it out again if you want to."

"No need." Jeno butts in. He grabs the bag from the cashier and drags a sputtering and protesting Jaemin out of the store. "Have a good day!"

"Lee Jeno!" _ God this is not a date. _

Jaemin chants the phrase in his head as Jeno drags him around town to his 'secret spots'. There's the library with the quiet atmosphere and friendly librarian. They spend an hour whisper fighting over which Harry Potter book is better. Jaemin argues for Prisoner of Azkaban while Jeno fights for Half-blood Prince. _ Not a date. _ The next spot is the bubble tea shop with homemade pastries. Apparently Jeno is somewhat of a regular because they get a deal on two bubble teas and an apple turnover. Jaemin tries to convince Jeno that adding pearls to coffee with four shots of espresso is a valid thing to do but Jeno threatens to unfriend Jaemin and leave him to find his way home if he continues arguing for his "abomination drink." _ Not a date _ . Next is the only music store in town where they look at the newest album releases and moans at the fact that they want to buy everything EXO but don't have the money to afford the merch they want. They console themselves by looking through the Don't Mess Up My Tempo album and dying every time they turn the page and is greeted with another EXO member slaying it. _ Not a date. _

Apparently Jeno saved the worst for last. They're back at Jaemin's cottage and sitting on the little patch of grass outside the back door, listening to the sound of the ocean waves. The sun had set and the only reason Jaemin and Jeno can see the ocean is because the moon and stars are finally out. Jaemin can't stop looking at the night sky. In Seoul, Jaemin will rarely see the stars. If he does, there would only be one, and nine times out of ten, it's an airplane passing by. Here, the stars are everywhere. They're above him when he looks up, across the sea when he looks forward, behind him when he turns back. 

They're in Jeno's eyes when he looks at Jeno. Jeno's got the moon and stars in his eyes. And Jeno's looking at Jaemin like he's the moon and stars in the sky. _ God those eyes. _

"I'll let you sleep. I dragged you everywhere and it's been a long day. You must be tired." Jeno whispers. He stands up and looks down at Jaemin. "Good night Jaemin." Jeno goes around the house to get to the front. Jaemin hears him get into his truck and drive away. Once he can no longer hear Jeno's truck, Jaemin drops his head to his hands groaning and moaning at his situation. 

"It's been three days and you already went on a date. Na Jaemin who are you?" 

  


During Jaemin's first week, Jeno gets him acquainted with the town. Jeno is somewhat of a popular person because it seems that everywhere they go, someone is saying hi to Jeno and giving him freebies and discounts. When Jaemin asks him, he shrugs.

"It's a small town. Everyone knows everybody. I've been here my whole life." Jeno replies. 

"You've never gone anywhere else?" Jaemin asks.

"Oh I've been to other places, It's just that I always find myself back here. It's home. Do you feel the same way about Seoul?"

"I don't know" Jaemin responds. Where does he feel at home? "People say that home is not a place you know? that it's the people you're with."

Jeno shrugs. "Kinda? I don't think it's a person. To me home is a feeling. It's the feeling I get from the beach, from the people in this town, from the places I find. I feel it when I drive, when I walk around, whenever I'm here. That's what I think home is. A feeling."

"......I don't know if I ever had that feeling." Jaemin replies in a small voice. Jeno smiles at Jaemin and Jaemin feels big and small at the same time. 

"You'll feel it."

  


Jaemin's second week in town is filled with not-dates. Jaemin and Jeno will drive around in Jeno's truck during the day, visiting store after store in town, just to browse, to shop, just to kill some time. Sometimes they'll drive out of town, stop in the middle of nowhere and explore whatever shady spot they find themselves in. Other days, they take their bikes (Jaemin borrows Taeyong's since he doesn't use it anymore) and ride around town, visiting Jeno's childhood memories and getting to know each other. They tell each other their favorite memories. They happiest ones, saddest one, angriest, most sour memories. All of them. They tell each other about their families and friends. They sit side by side on Jaemin's couch, trying to go through the food Taeyong cooked for Jaemin on his first day in town. 

Jaemin learns that Jeno is an orphan. Taeyong's family adopted Jeno when he was just a baby and Taeyong was seven years old, dropped off at the town's orphanage because his parents were just children playing at being adults. The Lees passed away a few years ago because of an illness and Taeyong and Jeno has been taking care of each other ever since. Jeno's never met his real parents. 

"I don't have a need to. I don't mind if we do meet but I don't think I'll search for them. The Lees, Mom and Dad, and Taeyong are all that I need." Jeno tells Jaemin. "Not to mention I've got Doyoung hyung from the library, Taeil hyung from the ice cream store, and I'm 99.9% sure that Johnny hyung is proposing to Taeyong hyung within this year."

Jaemin tells Jeno about his family. Jeno learns that Jaemin's parents are rich, but only because of hard work. He learns that Jaemin is an only child and so he is somewhat spoiled. "My parents wanted the best for me because they had to settle when they were children. And for that I am thankful." Jaemin smiles. He learns of Jaemin's friends that are like his brothers. Haechan, Jaemin's evil twin who decides what trouble they get in. Renjun, his other twin who holds the few brain cells within their friend group. Chenle and Jisung, the two youngest that Jaemin swears he "raised through blood, sweat, and tears. Lots and lots of tears. 90% of them caused by Chenle and Jisung. On purpose." 

Jeno learns of Mark. Jaemin's first crush, childhood friend, somewhat other, and could be fiance. Jeno's stare at Jaemin doesn't waver as Jaemin explains who Mark is. 

"We've always clicked. Our parents think that if we have to marry anyone, we'd marry each other. So we're going to have a 'talk' once Mark gets back from Canada in the fall"

"What if you don't have to marry each other? Would you still choose him?" Jeno asks. His stare is endless and hard to read, Jaemin feels like it's all around him. He can't hide from Jeno's eyes. He can't answer Jeno's question. "Would you choose someone else Jaemin?" Jeno asks. Jaemin turns away from Jeno but he can still feel Jeno's stare behind his head. Jeno's got his arms on top of the couch, and all Jaemin has to do is lean back into it. He still can't answer Jeno's question.   


Jaemin's second week's nights are filled with texts from Jeno. It's during those nights that Jaemin feels it. Whatever he's been wanting more of. Every message from Jeno does something to Jaemin. 

** _Johnny hyung is singing but he's got the singing ability of a humpback whale._ **

Jaemin feels like he wants to laugh freely and choke to death at the same time. 

** _Taeil hyung said that he's working on a new ice cream flavor. He's going to let me test it. I want you to come with me. _ **

Jaemin wants to dance like no one's watching and scream into his pillow at the same time. 

** _You've been using that peach body wash we got. It smells good. Tell me when you run out. I'll get you more. I want to smell it more. _ **

Jaemin wants to sing to the heavens and hurl his dinner into the trash at the same time. 

** _Tomorrow I'm bringing my cats over. There's three of them. They're my babies. They have to meet you. _ **

Jaemin wants to run and hide, and then he wants to stand on stage and demand everyone pays attention to what he's going to say. He's going to scream about Lee Jeno. 

** _The stars are supposed to be crazy visible tomorrow night. Watch it with me? _ **

Jaemin wants to push Jeno away from him. Jaemin wants to kiss Jeno at the same time. Jaemin wants to this all to stop. _ But he's addicted to this feeling now. _

  


Jaemin's and Jeno's not-dates and text-filled nights continue into Jaemin's third week. They're still dancing around each other. Apparently fate got tired and kicked things into gear during the third week. Jeno is supposed to stop by Jaemin's today so Jeno can try some of Jaemin's cooking. They've finally eaten through Taeyong's food and Jaemin revealed to Jeno that he can cook. Jeno's supposed to come by at 10 so they can have brunch. That's been an hour ago. There's no Jeno, and he hasn't texted Jaemin. Jaemin's been pacing back and forth his kitchen, trying to see if he should call Jeno or not. He's known the guy for two and a half weeks. Two and a half weeks! But they've practically been glued at the hips since the first day they met. Jaemin doesn't know if that means he can call Jeno to check up on him or not. 

Just one try, he reasons. With a deep breath, Jaemin presses the call button on Jeno's contact page. God why is this so nerve wrecking? The call rings 4 times and Jaemin's about to give after the fifth when he hears someone pick it up. 

** _Hello? _ **

That's not Jeno. "Um, hello, who is this?" Jaemin asks.

** _Jaemin? Is that you? This is Taeyong._ **

"Taeyong hyung? Hi. Um. I'm just calling Jeno to ask where he is. Um he's supposed to stop by an hour ago, he asked me to cook for him. But he never did so I just wanted to see if-if he's ok or something...." Jaemin stumbles through his words. Taeyong doesn't reply and a few seconds and Jaemin think Taeyong probably think of him as a stalker, calling and checking up on his little brother. Jaemin's about to say something along the lines of an apology when Taeyong speaks again. 

** _Lee Jeno you stupid, stupid boy._ **

  


Taeyong tells Jaemin of Jeno’s condition. Tells him to come down to the hospital and talk to him. Apologizes for his brother’s stupidity. Jaemin tells him it’s not his fault that Jeno forgets to mention something so important sometime in the two and a half weeks they spent with each other. He goes to the hospital and now they find themselves sitting together, silently daring the other to be the first to speak. Jeno’s on the bed and Jaemin on a chair next to the bed trying to get his breathing under control because he is mad. 

“Taeyong told me. Stage three and you didn’t tell me?” Jaemin starts. Someone needs to break the silence. Jeno says nothing but stares at Jaemin. “Can you please say something? Don’t just stare at me. Did you plan on mentioning anything? Why aren’t you going through treatment? What were you planning on doing?” Jeno still doesn’t reply. But he gets out of bed and pulls Jaemin up to his feet. 

“Ask me what you really want to ask Jaemin.” 

Jaemin hesitates but caves. He drops his head on Jeno’s shoulder as they clutch each other and whispers, “What does this mean for us?” 

“It means we never had time in the first place.” 

  


Jeno and Jaemin stops dancing around each other because they don’t have time. Jaemin leaves in over a month, and Jeno has a dying wish. A literal dying wish. In between the parade of kisses they give each other, Jeno tells Jaemin everything. He was diagnosed end of last year and his chances were slim. While Jeno and Jaemin clutches onto each other to feel the other’s skin, Jeno tells Jaemin how Taeyong and he fought and spent the new year apart because Jeno doesn’t want treatment and Taeyong couldn’t handle the fact that Jeno doesn’t want to go through treatment. Jeno tell Jaemin that Taeyong has resigned to Jeno’s decision and now spends his days trying to help Jeno’s get everything in order while he’s waiting for Jaemin to get this breathing back in order. Jeno tells Jaemin that he’s been silently prompting Johnny to propose to Taeyong while he maneuvers Jaemin on top of him. Jeno tells Jaemin that he never expected to meet Jaemin while he and Jaemin falls apart. Jaemin tells Jeno that he should have run away sooner while he leans down and covers Jeno’s lips with his own. He could have met Jeno sooner, watch the stars with Jeno sooner, explore the town and ice cream flavors with Jeno sooner. 

Jaemin tells Jeno he could have fallen for him sooner while Jeno takes Jaemin as his through the night. 

“So now that you know I’m dying, you’re going to help me with my bucket list.” Jeno tells Jaemin who’s lying next to him with his head on Jeno’s chest. Jaemin looks up and smiles at Jeno. He wants to go back to their easy banter. Not these painful conversations.

“Of course you’d have a bucket list. You don’t look like a guy who’s have a bucket list but of course you’d have one.”

Jeno scoffs, “Shut up Na. You don’t know shit about me.” 

“Clearly I don’t. Case in point, I didn't know you have cancer.” Jaemin snaps back, purposely digging his sharp chin onto Jeno’s chest. 

“Ok that was on me. But back to the point, help me find my bucket list so we can fulfill it or something.” 

Jaemin raises his body so he’s hovering over Jeno. He’s pleased to see that Jeno’s eyes roam all over his naked chest and his hands are idly gliding over Jaemin’s waist. “You mean to tell me you want me to help with a missing bucket list?” 

Jeno pulls Jaemin down and rolls over so he’s on top of Jaemin. One hand takes Jaemin’s neck and the other pulls Jaemin’s body as close to his as possible. He leans down and kisses Jaemin who kisses back just as deeply. Jaemin arches his back and wraps his arms around Jeno as he loses himself in Jeno’s lips. Where has Jeno’s lips been all his life? He can feel Jeno smirking as he pulls away to cup Jaemin’s face. 

“You’ll help me, won't you?” 

They find Jeno’s bucket list in the attic, stuck in between Jeno’s middle school yearbook. Apparently he wrote it during history class when he thought he was going to die of boredom. Jeno’s middle school mindset is showing and Jaemin is laughing. 

“Fit ten marshmallows in my mouth. Really Jen?” 

Jeno groans and pulls the list back from Jaemin who can’t stop laughing. He starts the edit the list and gives it back to Jaemin after a few minutes. Jaemin scans the list, it’s shorter. Jeno has erased quite a few. 

  1. Get a tattoo
  2. Commit a crime
  3. Find Taeyong a <strike>boyfriend</strike> husband
  4. Have an unforgettable night

“I think we can cross out number six don’t you think?” Jaemin grins cheekily. Jeno rolls his eyes and pecks Jaemin on the lips. 

“Nice try Na. But it’s not enough. I want more unforgettable nights with you.” Jaemin smiles at Jeno sweetly. He wants more nights with Jeno too. “Let’s go get me a tattoo!” 

  


Jaehyun’s a nice guy who was experienced enough to know how to calm Jaemin down from he thought of Jeno getting his skin pierced and inked. He also looks ridiculously similar to Jeno and Jaemin wonders if it’s how Jeno’s going to look like in a few years. Jaemin watched from the couch as Jeno sits and chats through the session. An hour later, Jeno’s got three small cat faces underneath his left collarbone. Jaemin can’t believe he’s fallen for a crazy cat boy. 

“What’s that on Bongsik’s mouth?” Jaemin asks. 

“It’s a peach.” Jeno winks. Jaemin fails to hide the blush that overtakes his face. There’s no explaining his feelings for the crazy cat boy. 

Jaemin spends the first week of his second month trying to talk Jeno out of the second item on his bucket list. He’s been an upstanding citizen his whole life and he really doesn’t want to break to go to jail. Jeno just smiles and assured Jaemin that they’ll be fine. Jaemin yells at Jeno because he’s got the crime planned out and he’s not telling Jaemin what it is. He finds out soon enough when his phone starts ringing in the middle of the night. He sees Jeno’s face being licked by his cats on his phone. The picture makes him smile and lifts his mood despite being woken up at 1 in the morning. 

“What is it Jen?” 

“Come out Jaemin. We’re going somewhere.” Jaemin can hear Jeno’s smile and can imagine his moon eyes. Jaemin’s up and in Jeno’s truck within the next 15 minutes. Jeno keeps mum on their destination until they get to it. It’s Taeil’s ice cream shop. Closed and locked as it should but there’s a little neon sign inside that dimly lit up the inside. 

“Jen, what are we doing?”

Jeno just smiles, “were committing a crime.” 

“Excuse me?!”

Jeno rolls his eyes at Jaemin as he drags him to the back door. “Taeil made a new flavor but he won’t let me taste it. So we’re gonna break in, test the new flavor and go.” 

“Jeno!”

“Relax Jaemin, were not even really breaking in. I used to work here so I know where the key is kept and I guarantee you Taeil Hyung has never change the location.”

Jaemin sputters more protests when 5 minutes later, Jeno’s got the key and is opening the back door. Jaemin can’t believe he’s breaking into an ice cream shop in the middle of the night to taste a new flavor. Jeno is a crazy, cat, ice cream boy. The new flavor includes a peachy taste and Jaemin thinks it’s his new favorite ice cream flavor. He tells Jeno it’s not that good though just to spite him. When they leave, Jeno leaves a few bills on the tip jar, and surprises Jaemin when he grabs him for a picture under the neon sign. 

“Pics or it didn’t happen.” Jeno smiles as he pecks Jaemin on the lips. Back at Jaemin’s cottage, Jeno invites himself to stay for the night and cuddles Jaemin as they drift off to sleep. Jaemin can’t stop thinking he still tastes the peachy ice cream on Jeno’s lips. 

Jeno starts to sleepover Jaemin's cottage after the ice cream crime. Jaemin gets up earlier than Jeno and so he's in charge of making their breakfast while Jeno snoozes just a little bit more. Then Jaemin wakes up Jeno because he wants Jeno to eat hot meals. They eat breakfast in their pajamas, on the kitchen island/table. Jeno is in charge of dishes and feeding the cats (yes he brought his cats over. Jeno refers to them as their babies now and Jaemin is torn over whether or not he prefers the cats or Chenle and Jisung). Once they are ready, they leave the house to explore new places, meet new people, eat new food and they don't return home until the sun has set. Jaemin mainly cooks dinner but Jeno helps prepare ingredients. Their meals take longer than a normal meal because they can't stop talking to each other. Can't stop stealing kisses, feeding the other, and making each other laugh until they're crying and choking on their meals. 

If some days, Jeno can't wake up until it's late in the afternoon or can't leave the bed at all, Jaemin doesn't say a word. He brings Jeno's meals to the loft and stays with Jeno in bed all day. If some days Jeno can't hold down a meal and throws up everything in the bathroom, Jaemin doesn't say a word as he rubs Jeno's back while he's hunched over the toilet. If some nights are spent desperately kissing, holding, and loving each other, neither one of them says a word. The tears they pretend doesn't exist speaks enough. 

Jaemin starts to feel too domestic with Jeno when he starts calling Jaemin sweet nicknames. The first is during the second week of Jaemin's last month and he's making dinner for the both of them while Jeno beside him cutting up vegetables for the soup. 

"Babe, is this size ok?" Jeno asks out of nowhere. 

"What?" Jaemin asks.

"Is this size ok for the tomatoes?" Jeno repeats. Jaemin misses one beat and responds the next. 

"Yeah, the tomatoes will just shrivel up anyway." 

Next thing Jaemin knows, his mornings start with Jeno wrapping his arms around him as he makes breakfast, whispering "Good morning sweetheart" into his ears. Jeno steals quick kisses from Jaemin throughout the day, wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him in and calling him "babe" in front of everyone. "Darling" comes out at night when Jeno and Jaemin are in bed, facing each other and slowly kissing each other until they're off to dreamland. Jaemin's favorite is when Jeno looks at him with his moon eyes after Jaemin shows him something excitedly, tucks a strand of hair behind his ear and whispers "My Nana". 

It’s Jaemin’s last two weeks and Jeno and Jaemin are desperately trying to convince Johnny to propose to Taeyong. The problem is that Johnny is too chicken to do it. He’s got the ring and everything, he’s so sure that Taeyong will say yes, but he can’t bring himself to ask. Jaemin rolls his eyes when Johnny starts to get dramatic, all 6 feet and 2 inches of him. 

“Listen Johnny hyung, you love Taeyong hyung, Taeyong hyung loves you, I love you, and Jaemin is going to learn to love you. If I keel over and die right now, there’s no one else in the world that I would trust Taeyong hyung to. So you’re going to propose to him, within the week, because I could literally keel over and die any time.” Jeno says sternly. 

Johnny stands up to his full height to tower over Jeno and glare at him. “I never like it when you talk like that you brat.” Johnny sighs. He hangs his head and reaches an arm out to Jeno’s shoulder. “But you’re right. I love him. And I know he wants us to spend our lives together. I do to. So if I have your blessing Jeno, can I propose to your brother and be your family?” Johnny smiles. Jeno smiles back and Jaemin knows he’s holding back his tears. 

“It would be my honor Johnny hyung.”

They help Johnny plan a nice dinner and decorate the Lee’s house with flowers and fairy lights. The furniture was moved out of the living room to make space for the couple to dance in. The kitchen table has been set with candles, Taeyong’s favorite foods and drinks. There’s pictures of the couple hanging from strings and a romantic playlist is playing in the background. Jeno and Jaemin hide outside the house once Taeyong arrives home. They stay long enough to hear a little scream from inside the house. They smile as they hear Taeyong and Johnny laugh and cry loud enough for them to hear outside. 

Jeno takes the long way back to Jaemin’s cottage after they leave Taeyong and Johnny to celebrate their engagement. There’s a deafening silence in the car and Jaemin doesn’t know how to break it. Jeno is the one that does it for him. 

“Have you thought about how you want your marriage to go Jaemin?” Jeno asks. Jaemin takes a while to gather his thoughts for a reply. Has he? He never did. He’s been avoiding thinking about it. His parents and Mark’s parents have always been good friends and so they thought that it would be great if their children would end up together. Jaemin and Mark have always been friendly and attracted to each other enough to sometimes feel their heart beat fast around each other. But Jaemin has never once thought about marriage with Mark. What would it be like? He doesn’t know. 

But he knows that what he feels for Mark is nothing like what he feels for Jeno. With Jeno his heart is alive. Alive in the way it’s never been before in his charmed life. Jaemin was smiles. That’s what he was known for. Jaemin always found a reason to smile that he finds himself smiling for no reason at all. He smiles when there’s nothing to smile about and he thinks that he doesn’t know how to feel anything else anymore. With Jeno, there’s so much that he feels. It’s happiness, and sadness. Anger, and peace. Fear, and bravery. He wants to jump, and run, and fall at the same time. He wants to scream, shout, and be quiet at the same time. With Jeno, Jaemin is alive and free. Open and vulnerable. His heart goes up and down, it’s a rollercoaster ride and he doesn’t want to get off because he’s never felt so _ real _ and _ alive _ before. 

Jaemin is pulled out of his thoughts when Jeno abruptly pulls up to the side of the road and stops the truck. He gets out of his seat, goes around to Jaemin’s side. The door is pulled open and Jaemin is pulled into Jeno’s arms. Jeno’s lips bruising his own as Jeno holds him tightly to kiss him. 

“Have you thought about marrying Mark Jaemin? Have you thought about Mark in the time you were here? No.” Jeno won’t stop. Jaemin tries to pull away but Jeno pulls him back in. “I know you.” Jeno holds Jaemin’s face in his hands and Jaemin could only hold onto Jeno’s hands. “You only thought about me,” Jeno bites Jaemin’s bottom lip and Jaemin gasps. “And you,” Jeno’s tongue is exploring Jaemin’s mouth and Jaemin makes sure there’s not an inch in between their bodies. “And us. You only thought about us. I made sure of it.” Jeno pushes the passenger seat down and lays Jaemin down on the seat. He takes off his shirt and climbs on top of Jaemin to continue kissing him. “I want you to only think about us.”

Jeno can love Jaemin anywhere, anytime, anyway. Jeno proves it all when they’re parked by the side of the road, in the middle of the night, kissing each other under the stars. Jaemin tells Jeno that yes, he’s only thought about Jeno, himself, and them. Only about them. Only thought about how Jeno brings out all the emotions in him. Tells Jeno how he makes Jaemin feel alive. Tells Jeno how he makes Jaemin feel real. Jaemin tells Jeno how Jeno gives him more of what he’s looking for. Jeno is dying but he gives Jaemin more life. 

It’s Jaemin’s last week in the small town at the tip of the coast. He’s running out of time with Jeno but Jeno avoids Jaemin. Jaemin hasn’t seen or heard a peep of Jeno the last few days and his heart feels so heavy Jaemin can’t breathe. Jaemin calls up Taeyong to see if Jeno is at the hospital but Taeyong tells Jaemin that Jeno is alright and back at the Lee’s house. Jeno comes and goes and Taeyong rarely sees him. Jaemin tries Johnny, Doyoung, Taeil, even Jaehyun. They’ve seen Jeno around town, but haven’t talked to him at all. Jaemin leaves in two days and one night and Jeno won’t pick up his phone. The cats are still in the cottage and they comfort Jaemin as he packs up his things and cries over a boy with moon eyes. Jaemin holds onto the cats as tries to hold onto his memories with Jeno. Jeno is dying, Jaemin’s stay is temporary. Jeno is giving up his life and Jaemin is going to live one that’s not his. They never had a chance in the first place but the two months they had was the only life that Jaemin wants to live. 

Jaemin’s crying doesn’t cease until it’s night and his door is flung open. Jeno stands in the doorway with red eyes. He too have been crying. 

“I’m sorry Nana. I couldn’t- I couldn’t, I thought if I stay away this last week, I can convince myself and you that it’s just a fling. Make it easier for you to leave. You’re leaving. I’m dying. Most days, I can’t get out of bed before noon. And I can only last for a few hours. Nana I’m sorry. I don’t have any time to give you. To give us.”

“Lee Jeno you stupid, stupid boy!” Jaemin runs to Jeno and wraps himself around Jeno. Their lips seek each other and they whisper ‘darlings’, ‘sweethearts’ and sweet nothings at each other. “When fall comes, I’m going to live a life that’s not mine Jeno. It’s a life that someone planned for me. I thought “I’ll be fine, I just need some time before that’. But then I found you. I found a life that’s mine. Why is it a life that I can’t have Jeno?” Jaemin’s voice breaks as he breaks his and Jeno’s hearts with his words. Jeno takes Jaemin’s face and stares into Jaemin’s eyes with his moon ones. 

“Listen to me Na Jaemin. When fall comes, you’re going to start working for your parents, marry a boy better than me, and start a family with a dog. When fall comes, I’m going to be dead.” Jaemin chokes at Jeno’s words. He can’t do this. “Listen to me Jaemin, you have a whole life ahead of you, I have no life left to give. We have only this one night. I want us to have the life we could have had tonight. I want to be a family with the cats. I want us to have a family meal. I want to love you one last time.” Jeno takes out something silver from his pocket and puts it in Jaemin’s hand. “_I want to marry you before this life is over. _”

Jaemin’s breath leaves him. 

  


Jaemin marries Jeno with the moon and stars as their witnesses and the night binding them together. They sneak into a church and whisper their vows to each other while the moon and stars shine through stained-glass windows. Jaemin can’t stop crying when Jeno slides the ring on his finger and Jaemin slides Jenos’ on his finger. The kiss they seal their vows with takes Jaemin’s breath away. When they part, Jaemin sees the moon and stars in Jeno’s eyes. Three words float between them for the first and last time. 

They spend the night cooing at their three cats until the cats are sick of them and abandons them for sleep. Jeno and Jaemin move outside to listen to the ocean. They’re sitting on the little patch of grass on top of a large blanket they lay out. Jaemin can’t stop looking at Jeno and their rings. Jeno can’t stop whispering sweet things to his lover’s ear. Their one unforgetteable night he says. Jeno kisses Jaemin one last time before Jaemin is claimed by his dreams. His eyes never leaving Jeno’s moon eyes until darkness overtake him. 

Jaemin dreams of a life with Jeno that lasts more than a night. Jaemin dreams of a life with Jeno that lasts for a lifetime. 

When Jaemin wakes up on his last day at the small town on the tip of the coast, Jeno is nowhere to be found. Jaemin looks at the ocean and the waves crashes on the shore. 

  
~  
  


Jaemin smiles at his reflection in the car mirror. His hands reaches up to the ring that’s hanging on a chain around his neck. 

“I spent two months in a small town at the tip of the coast and found a life that I wanted.” Jaemin says. The others in the car are quiet as they listen to Jaemin. Jaemin was smiling but this time it was different, everyone could tell. It was no longer perfect. 

“What about the other four?” Haechan asked. Jaemin’s expressions are so different now. Haechan’s almost afraid to hear the answer. 

Jaemin shrugs and leans back on his seat. “I started a life I could have.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Lee Jeno. My moon boy,

I’m sorry it took a while. I underestimated what it’s like to be a general manager, you won’t believe how busy I’ve been. I need to go back to the town and destress. Nevermind that I just got back. Although I don’t know how much it’ll help in destressing considering every time I go back, I’m stuck with babysitting and watching the ice cream shop. Johnny, Taeyong and their family are doing great. They don’t believe me when I say I’m doing great though. 

I am doing fine. But understandably, I have my moments. Give me a break, I lost the love of my life. But it’s been a while, and I’m taking care of myself. I just wish…..sometimes, that I can talk to you. Tell you how even though I get sad, I’m not lonely. I have my friends and family. I have your friends and family. I’ve got the babies (our cats, not Chenle and Jisung), I’m having fun at my workplace, I’m enjoying my career. 

I have someone else that I’m letting into my heart now. I’m sure you remember Mark. 

I want to tell you that I’m doing fine. That I’m living a real life. 

I want to tell you that I miss you.   
  
  


_ I wish I could tell you that I love you. _

  
  



End file.
